Remote leadership: Sync your listening with what you’re watching

Photo by Alireza Attari on Unsplash

There’s no denying that 2020 has, for many of us, changed the way we work together. We’ve experienced the impact of “on screen all the time” on our energy, productivity and our patience. In response, we’ve adapted our meeting norms with the hope of reducing the “video tax” on our days. We’ve shortened meetings, chosen phone over video when we can and taken ourselves out for a walk to get away from the screen. We’ve paid attention to what we’re seeing (or not) — but how about what we’re hearing?

What is the impact of remote work on the way we listen to each other?

“what do you mean, either I’m listening or I’m not, right?”

Actually, the answer is not so simple. As a coach, listening is one of my most important tools. And as a leader, it’s one of yours too. Good leadership, just like good coaching, relies on the understanding and application of different types of listening.

Cast your mind back to your last meeting. As your colleagues spoke, what did you hear? What did you hope to hear? What were you listening for?

It’s important to recognise your own intention, mindset and bias as you listen to others. Were you…

• Listening for the chance to speak — In other words, listening for micro-pauses in the conversation to insert your own idea? Sorry to say, that’s not really listening at all. It’s more like waiting to talk. This is relatively easy to spot in others when we’re face to face because body language tends to give it away. Picture the person whose mouth keeps opening and closing as you’re making your point. Or the person who keeps leaning forward as if they’re going to physically jump into the conversation. These behaviours can be hard to recognise in ourselves. They also become tougher to see in others in the virtual world, especially given the delays we often experience. The key for both is to begin to recognise it and encourage each other to hold back on jumping in by staying focused on the views and ideas of others. You can also help by proactively inviting others to speak, reducing the need for them to force their way into the conversation.
• Listening to the words being spoken — Sometimes we find ourselves very focused on content, trying to absorb every minute detail of a situation. The ability to stay focused on the detail is incredibly helpful when faced with a new, important and complex situation. Health emergencies or physically dangerous situations are examples where focusing on the content is important. Likewise, a briefing session for a big new project at work also relies on listening for content. When it comes to listening for content, using the phone (or audio-only media) can help your focus because you can remove other stimulus and focus intently on the words being spoken.
• Listening for meaning — Listening can take us beyond the specific words being spoken into a deeper understanding of meaning. The way someone chooses to describe a scenario — what they include and what they leave out — gives us insight into what they want us to understand. It does require a conscious effort to listen carefully for that intention and often ask a question like “what is the most important thing you’d like me to understand or remember about this conversation?” to ensure you’ve got the clarity you need. If you’re someone who tends to absorb information literally, this type of listening might be more challenging for you. In a remote setting, you might need to take extra care by asking additional clarifying questions or even following up privately with your colleagues to ensure that you’ve captured the intended meaning.
• Listening for patterns and connections — This is one of those superpowers that creates incredible value for teams trying to define and solve complex problems. It requires an analytical mindset that builds a layer on top of listening for meaning. It’s the ability to connect seemingly disparate elements of a narrative and suggest how they might fit together in new ways. Or to observe repeated patterns of thinking and behaviour (within and across conversations) that might be limiting your team’s progress. You’ll recognise people who do this well when they ask questions that are structured something like…” I heard you say A and then I heard B…that makes me think C might be happening. What do you think?”. This can be particularly challenging in the remote setting because the tools and technology we’re using to collaborate can lead us to narrow our focus. Take time in conversations to purposefully zoom out (no pun intended) and look at the bigger picture. Consider what is happening around you and remind your team how it connects to your current situation. That way you will all be more likely to make those all-important connections.
• Listening to understand people — As leader, understanding your people is one of the keys to unlocking their potential. Sometimes you get lucky and find yourself surrounded by incredibly confident, self-aware and articulate team members who can tell you exactly who they are, what they believe in and how that impacts their effectiveness at work. More often, you need to find ways to dig a little to find the insights that will help you to lead them most effectively. In my experience people aren’t always aware of how much they’re telling you about themselves when they tell stories about their life — the trick is to pay attention, to listen for what they are telling you. How do they describe the time they spend with their family on the weekend? With joy, with a sense of duty or not at all? What do you hear about the things and people they value most? Working from home has helped all of us to understand more about our colleagues because we’ve seen directly into their home lives — the good, the bad and the ugly. This may change over time as more people choose to turn their videos off or use virtual backgrounds — and that’s when we will all need to dial-up our listening to understand.

If any of this feels new to you, just wait until your next meeting — you’ll start to hear things in ways you never imagined. You’ll find that some of these listening modes happen concurrently in a single conversation and often in the blink of an eye. While some of the listening and processing happens subconsciously, some need to be proactively initiated. You can do this by asking yourself these questions…

1. What is the most relevant listening mode for me in my next meeting? Why? What can I do to “switch” myself into that mode
2. What preconceived ideas do I need to acknowledge and/or set aside to really listen openly in my next meeting?
3. What changes in response would I like to see as I begin to listen differently?
4. How can I help my team reconsider their approach to listening?

And as always, don’t forget to reflect on whether you actually listened as intended. If you did — great job! If not, what distracted you or got in the way? And how might you deal differently with that situation next time around?

If you’d like more information about how to adapt your listening to suit remote working, don’t hesitate to reach out. I’d love to help.